One flu over the cuckoo's nest

I know the blog's been a bit neglected recently, but not purposely so. As I've mentioned before, my internet connection has been decidedly unreliable of late, but at the moment it appears to be on a good footing so I'll take advantage whilst we're all still on the planet to read the damn thing.

I say that because there seems to be a real sense of end of days around at the moment. The economy has tanked, 2012 is looming large - can't wait to see the film by the way; not just one national monument destroyed, but ALL OF THEM! - Iran and North Korea are on the verge of going nuclear, there are earthquakes almost every day and H1N1 is going to kill us all before any of the other stuff matters anyway.

Vaccinations are now rolling out around Canada - we have ours slated for the beginning of next week - but at the moment, I don't think I'm going to get one. Regular readers will know all about my cynicism regarding the Swine Flu, and nothing I've seen or read has done anything to change my mind. Yes, there have been tragic fatalities but they have been exceptionally rare, and there are many more tragic fatalities as a result of other diseases, including the 'regular' flu, that simply go unreported. I still believe that the 24 hour news media has played a huge part in whipping up the current wave of hysteria regarding the virus, and that the true epidemic is in fact an epidemic of fear.

And to cap it all, that self-same media is now able to fill its airtime with reports on the ridiculously massive queues of people waiting to get their shots. In Kingston, a number of children were absent from Melanie's school today as their parents had taken them to get vaccinated, with one family joining the line at 7.30 in the morning and not getting to the front until 3.30 in the afternoon; maybe the health authority should have sold fast passes à la Disney, although I doubt you'd have got many punters going round again for a second ride. As for me, well I'm not even going round for a first ride. At this moment in time I'm not prepared to be injected with an under-tested, rush-released vaccine, and I shall take my chances with my own immune system, thank you very much. Granted, we should be concerned by the whole situation, but not afraid; after all, the only thing we really have to fear is fear itself.

And perhaps spiders.

Grinding to a halt

It's been a frustrating (but swine flu free) week.

Our internet connection has been doing its best impression of the stock market over the last ten days or so -it's been down more than it's been up - but at least the connection we have here at school at seems to be working today. One problem has been the fact that there has been a big update for Windows issued recently (around 300MB), and whilst that is water of a duck's back for those of you in the South, for us here it can clog the system faster than a Big Mac can clog your arteries if everybody has 'automatic updates' switched to on.

I think I will be returning my modem to Tamaani shortly as I don't want to pay for the whole of May when I'm only here for another week, so postings may continue to be intermittent, but I shall do my best to occupy my students so that I can maximise my time online during school hours (hope my employers aren't reading this!).

Speaking of leaving (which we sort of were in the last paragraph), I will be on my flight home this time next week, so the next seven days involve packing boxes, tying up loose ends and preparing for our graduation ceremony, which is next Thursday. At the time of writing, I have no idea whether I'll be returning here next year; it looks like my course might be moved to Kangirsujuaq, an even more Northern town, but nothing has been confirmed yet. When I have news I'll pass it on to you, but don't hold your breath!

If you do hold your breath though, at least you won't catch swine flu. You'll die of hypoxia, but the swine flu won't get you.

CNN would be proud.

And this little piggy went...

...aaaaargh! We're all going to die!

Well, at least he would have had he been watching CNN this weekend. The 24-hour rolling news networks simply love a crisis, and they've been simply revelling in the swine flu outbreak that's come to public notice over the last few days; they've been like a pig in s**t, you might say.

That people have died in Mexico as a result of this outbreak is undoubtedly tragic. However, almost as many people died from regular flu in America last week, and the fact that more people were killed (three) in one shooting incident this weekend than died from swine flu (zero) seems immaterial; the rolling news networks are never ones to let the facts get in the way of a good story.

Now, should I find myself in an I Am Legend scenario once the rest of the world has been wiped out by this flu, then I shall be the first to apologise, but until that time comes, I'm not going to lose any sleep over the whole deal.

But I won't be going to Mexico either.

Who throws a shoe?

It's not often that anybody gives George Bush credit for anything, but I couldn't help be impressed by the way in which he dodged that shoe missile yesterday. It was an incredibly accurate throw, favouring the 'heel over toe method' as opposed to the 'spinning sole' technique, but Bush's cat-like reflexes enabled him to avoid the hit without even spilling his beer (had he had one).

In fact, I rather think that the President must have been practising for such an eventuality, and I can reveal here an excerpt from the Secret Service training video that he used:



In all seriousness though, the great and good CNN has just revealed that the Secret Service are indeed going to add 'how to deal with an assailant armed with a shoe' to their training regime.

I'm sure Barack Obama will now sleep more easily at night.

Much ado about nothing

In case you didn't know, we had an election here in Canada yesterday - if you only get your news from CNN, you wouldn't know - the result of which left the nation in almost exactly the same position as it was before the vote. Prime Minister Stephen Harper continues to head a minority government, albeit with a slightly reduced minority than before (if that makes sense), and the general feeling here is that the entire exercise was a waste of time and money, especially given the current financial climate. And our friend, Mark Canada, didn't make it. Guess he'll have to go back to Mr Universe.

The turnout was just 59%, the lowest figure since Confederation in 1867, and that goes to illustrate the general level of apathy that seemed to exist around the whole process. Although I've lived here for more than three years now, I'm still an 'outsider' in many respects, and the political process is one example; I can't vote until I become a Canadian citizen, although I have now been here long enough to make an application.

In my role as a political outsider, it's my observation that this voter apathy must be caused, in part, by the distinct lack of charisma shown by the leaders of the main parties here. To be a successful leader you must be able to inspire the masses; inspire them to get up and vote for you in the first place and then to inspire them to back your policies once you've been elected. It would seem that the 'inspiration factor' is not prevalent here at the moment, a view that is supported by the wistful remembrances that so many Canadians have for the likes of Trudeau and Chretien.

With all this in mind, I would like to suggest that there is in a fact a perfect candidate for Prime Minister out there, and the party that could secure his services would surely win by a landslide. He would make sure that the nation's institutions were run to code, and he'd get it all done in the space of an hour (including commercial breaks). Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you the next Prime Minister of Canada:

Mike Holmes will Make It Right!

OMG! You're such a good debater!

I have to admit that I have been fascinated by the ongoing U.S. election campaign, or more precisely, the television coverage given to it, or even more precisely, CNN's coverage. Last night was the Vice-Presidential debate, and the level of pre- and post-analysis served up by CNN had to be seen to be believed. Despite all this coverage though, I think this chart serves as the best summary of Governor Palin's performance (click on the chart to enlarge it):

Those of you who saw the debate will realise just how accurate this is!