Standing on ceremony

It can't have escaped your notice, especially if you live in this part of the world, that there's an Olympic Games on - the Olympic Winter Games, to be exact; it always used to be the plain old Winter Olympics when I was growing up, but there seems to have been a law passed without my knowledge that the word Olympic now has to come first.

The Winter Olympics - sorry, Olympic Winter Games - have never had that high a profile in the UK, save for Torvill and Dean and Eddie the Eagle (I've met him, by the way), but now I'm living in Canada I feel I ought to make the effort to get more involved, at least as a spectator. Yesterday's opening ceremony was overshadowed by the tragic death of Georgian Nodar Kumaritashvili - I was quite shocked that his horrific luge accident was shown ad nauseam on the news over here, initially without prior warning of the distressing nature of the footage - but the Games had to go on, and Vancouver would get its chance to showcase Canada before the rest of the world with a well organized, sleek and to-the-point opening ceremony.

Didn't quite work out like that though, did it?

The evening got off to a shambolic start when the late arrival of the four first nations chiefs left the half-empty VIP box in disarray - the chairs were still being rearranged as Michaelle Jean made her entrance - and Nikki Yanofsky then proceeded to assault the national anthem with a performance that was more a celebration of her and her record company than the country to whom the anthem belongs; had Simon Cowell been in attendance, I'm sure the word 'indulgent' would have been used at least once. Ms Yanofsky is undoubtedly a supremely talented young girl but I'm sorry, you don't mess with your country's national anthem on a stage like this.

The parade of athletes was as enjoyable as ever (it's always fun to rank the uniforms of the various nations; way to go Czech Republic, by the way!), but we were then treated to the 'cultural component' of the evening, which didn't half drag. There were some highlights, don't get me wrong - I liked the giant white bear, the big guy who read the poem, the spouting whales and KD Lang's rendition of Hallelujah - but the whole thing seemed unnecessarily long. I do hope London has the courage to deliver a streamlined ceremony in 2012: anthem, parade, quick song from Status Quo, oaths and Queenie cutting a red ribbon to let the Games begin.

Back to Vancouver though, for the best was yet to come. After the diva with the mad hair and the cat up her dress had finished breaking most of the glass in the stadium with her interpretation of the Olympic Hymn, we finally got to the lighting of the Olympic flame, the moment that should have been the crowning glory of the evening and Vancouver's chance to plant an indelible, iconic image into the collective mind of the watching world.

Umm, yeah...about that...

The hydraulic system that was meant to raise the the ceremonial cauldron failed, halting the ceremony and leaving one of the official torch bearers unable to carry out his duty as his part of the apparatus had failed to emerge from beneath the stadium floor, and then Wayne Gretzky had to leave the stadium and take a ten minute drive through town in the pouring rain so that he could light the 'official' flame down on Vancouver's waterfront. The temptation to stop for a Tims on the way must have been immense.

Three and a half hours after it had started the ceremony was finally over, and the Games could now begin, Vancouver weather permitting of course. Hopefully there will be plenty of golden moments for Canada over the next couple of weeks (and, who knows, maybe for Team GB too), but I think the first medals of the Games should go to all those who managed to sit through the opening ceremony without losing consciousness. Go on London, do the right thing...