Quagmire for President?

Any time you turn on the TV here at the moment, chances are that you're going to see either Senator McCain or Senator Obama staring back at you, and the more I see of them, the more I realise who they remind me of:

That's right; the next 'leader of the free world' will either be Glenn Quagmire (from Family Guy) or Pob (a character that will only be of relevance to our UK readers of a certain age). So, who gets your vote: the sex-crazed middle aged man, or the simple minded puppet?

....wait a moment, don't those descriptions sound a little bit familiar?

They say every country gets the leader it deserves!

I Am The Walrus

WARNING - This post contains pictures that those of you with sensitive stomachs may find distressing, and I don't just mean the photos of yours truly.

The return of a successful hunter has always been a time for celebration in the Inuit culture, and in modern times this is still the case, as illustrated by the return of the good ship Kakivak today with its haul of walrus for the community. Seal is the staple marine based catch of substance in the North but walrus, although not the meat of choice for many, makes for a nice change, according to one of my Inuit friends.

The harbour was already busy when we arrived, and the walrus meat was flying off the metaphorical shelves just as fast as the carcasses could be unloaded from the boat. Despite the flurry of activity, there is a distinct sense of order about these occasions, which is just as well considering the proliferation of knives, ulus and cleavers on display. The meat is shared, everyone takes what they need, and the atmosphere is one of controlled excitement.

Many of the locals can't wait until they get home to eat their bounty - like when you'd been allowed to buy a new toy and you just had to play with it in the car on the way home, even though you'd been told not to because if you opened the box when the car went over a bump in the road you'd lose bits down behind the seats and get all upset - so much of the meat is consumed, raw, on site. Inuit sushi, if you will.

Gordon Ramsay, eat your heart out! (especially since someone's probably already eaten the heart out of the walrus). In all truth though, nothing is wasted, and maybe before the school term ends in May I might be able to sample the delicacy that is igunaq - fermented rotten frozen walrus. They bury these huge steaks in summer, when they start to rot, and they freeze in winter. You eat them a year later. Hmmmmm...fermented walrus.

So, a very interesting day all told. It's not often you get to eat out up here, and whilst the menu was somewhat limited, at least the ingredients were fresh. And you certainly didn't want to get on the wrong side of the chef:

He is the eggman. Goo goo g'joob.

On the road again

I had to post this. Just read about a musical road in the States, which plays the William Tell Overture when you drive over it. I kid you not...here's the proof:



Not sure what the road would play if we had one here; maybe 'Whale Meet Again' by Dame Vera Lynn, or anything by Seal...I guess if it was a really long road, it could play the Stravinsky piece that the OSM played when they were here. Have to be a really loooooooong road for that though, and I don't know if anyone would get to the end of it.

There's not a lot going on...

I feel like I've been living in an episode of Corner Gas this week, and whilst this is a reference that will leave all non-Canucks completely nonplussed, those of you who abide in Canada will know exactly what I mean. There's really not been a lot going on, and the week's trickled by like tomato sauce out of a bottle that's been in the fridge for too long. Not one of the modern, squeezy plastic bottles, but a good old-fashioned glass one, the type where you had to slap the bottom really hard to get anything out at all.

School has been slow, Shatner-Net has been slow even by its own slow standards, and the Board have been slow to pay me. In fact, they didn't pay me at all; apparently I didn't officially exist until yesterday, but I've been assured that as I am now real, I will receive some remuneration for my efforts. Probably.

When the boat comes in

Thought I'd share with you the view from my classroom window at school:

The big cargo vessels like this one are a real lifeline for the communities of the North, bringing in all the supplies that are too bulky to be carried by the small DASH-8 planes that are the only other method of transportation from the south. Once the Hudson Bay freezes over though, no ships can get through, which means that for about half the year it's the aircraft or nothing.

In other news...I now have three students (!), and a fourth one is promised any day soon. I wonder if they've been delivered by the boat? Oh, and it snowed again today. Bummer.

Working 9 to 5

I now have students! At the the moment there are only two, but I guess it's a start. One of them saw me at the OSM concert on Friday, so I guess that Kent Nagano now has a vicarious hand in the success of the course. As for my other student, well she is a living definition of irony.

I was originally going to be sent to Kangiqsujuaq this year, a smaller community even further north as well as being just about the highest scoring word ever if proper nouns were allowed in Scrabble, but as all my previous students had said that they would not have attended the course had it been based there, I put my foot down and made sure that the course stayed in Inukjuak. Now, I'll give you one guess as to where this other student of mine comes from...!

Isn't it ironic, don't you think?

September Snow

We had our first snow today; it didn't last long, but snow we had so it's now officially winter. In September. Sucky.

Hitting The Wrong Note?

Unlikely as it sounds, the OSM (The Montreal Symphony Orchestra, or at least a seven piece expeditionary force) is touring Nunavik, and last night we were fortunate enough to be treated to a concert here in Inukjuak (one of just three performances on the tour).

I have to say it was one of the most surreal evenings of my life.

It was bizarre enough to see Kent Nagano and his musicians, resplendent in tails and tuxedos, playing in these surroundings, but the programme of music was stranger still. The entire population of the village seemed to be present as the evening began with the familiar strains of 'Eine kleine Nachtmusik', and then a new piece was performed, which combined the orchestration of the OSM with traditional Inuit throat singing.

However the next, and as it turned out, final piece was a long, rambling work by Stravinsky entitled Soldier's Tale, with the original French narration that accompanies the work interestingly translated and recited in Inuktitut. And in true Ariston fashion, it went on...and on...and on...and on.

For some fifty minutes.

And as the music went on, the audience left...and left...and left.

When the piece finally finished, I think most of us that remained at least felt a sense of achievement, sharing in the the fact that we had pulled through as a group and emerged into the light at the other side. Like when you used to have to eat your greens to please your mum. You knew it was probably doing you good, but it was a process to be endured.

Now, don't get me wrong; I think that the OSM's visit was a rare treat, and the idea of bringing classical music to the far reaches of the world is highly commendable. However, their choice of music puzzled me. A selection of shorter, more familiar pieces would have gone down better I think, rather than the largely discordant, inaccessible work by Stravinsky, which wasn't a piece that you could go away humming. I know this isn't the standard way of evaluating a piece of classical music but hey, perhaps I'm just not that cultured. I am someone who willingly watches American Idol, after all.

Still, it was what it was, and I commend Mr Nagano and his colleagues for their endeavour. I just can't help thinking that a more appropriate programme of music could have been chosen. Maybe next time...

Connection Interrupted

"The network link was interrupted while negotiating a connection. Please try again."

The above phrase is rapidly becoming a mantra that I could do without having to read on a daily basis. I have now acquired a modem from Tamaani, the ISP here, but I think my re-christening of the service as 'Shatner-net' was premature. At...least...Bill...finishes...his...sentences. Getting online with Tamaani, at least at a reasonable hour, is next to impossible at the moment.

The problem is that the satellite signal that provides the internet connection has to be 'split' amongst all the users in town; the more people online at the same time, the further that signal has to be split up. Consequently, at peak times when everyone is online, the system simply grinds to a halt. Now, I realise that we are fortunate to have internet at all up here and yes, I fully appreciate the irony of using a blog to complain about my connection, but you would think that if we have the capability of faking a moon landing we would be able to provide a usable internet service in the North.

We have to pay a minimum of $70 a month for a service that is slow at the best of times, but at the moment that service is not fit for purpose. The number of users has now outstripped the available bandwidth, so Tamaani either needs to lower its prices or to invest its profits into improving the service. Problem is that Tamaani hold a monopoly in the North, so one wonders whether the incentive is there.

Finally, back to the modems themselves. For those of you unfamiliar with them, they look like the black monolith from the film 2001: A Space Odyssey, but on a vastly smaller scale (like Spinal Tap's Stonehenge). Now, whilst I was still in Kingston I visited the Bell outlet in the mall to see if they sold such modems and whether they would be compatible with Tamaani's service. The guy I spoke to didn't really know what type of modem I meant, so I used the 2001 description.

"2001? Never heard of it," was his reply.

I gave up.

24 boxes

My cargo has arrived! The underwear crisis is now over and I have to say that I have never enjoyed cleaning and washing so much as I did today. I say enjoyed, but I guess the cleaning process was more of a necessary evil; the apartment I'm living in has finally been shorn of the grimy crust left by its previous occupants and is now something approaching a home. I must say that the most harrowing part of the process was not the removal of hitherto unseen rotting foodstuffs from the corners of cupboards, nor scrubbing unwelcome stains from around the toilet bowl, but opening a dresser draw to find a hair staring back at me...someone else's hair...eeeugh...I think I have a new phobia.

On the school front, I still have no students but I now have a list of names, so I may soon have to work for a living once again. Can't argue, I suppose; at least we didn't all end up being swallowed by a black hole today. Would have got rid of those unwanted hairs though...

Thoughts of summer

To quote a line from Les Miserables, it was a case of 'Empty chairs at empty tables' at school today. Still no students, and I had to spend the day looking busy by re-filing last year's paperwork and tapping out important looking missives on my laptop. My thoughts drifted back to the summer, and particularly to the week in August when Melanie and I ran poor old Barry off his feet. Barry was visiting from the UK for ten days, and in that time we fitted in the following:

- A performance of Les Miserables in Gananoque

- Dinner at the 360 Restaurant atop the CN Tower

- A Blue Jays game

- A Hippo Tour around Toronto

- Becoming last minute audience members at Canadian Idol (don't ask!)

- A canoe trip on Charleston Lake

- A Great Big Sea concert in Buffalo

- Niagara Falls and all the necessaries, plus...

- A helicopter flight over the Falls, and...

- White water jetboating on the Niagara River!

Now, that's a chronological list, and I'll leave it up to you, dear reader, to rearrange it in a suitable order of preference. I think Barry had fun, but we certainly did!

Oh, by the way, still no cargo, but I now have a phone, although Bell might take two weeks to hook me up; it's a long way for their man and his ladder to come, you know...

Casting the net

Sunday 7^th September

I am now online, sort of, thanks to someone else's wireless network which is unsecured and cunningly named 'wireless'. The connection is of Shatneresque quality (see my first post), but I have been able to send and receive a few emails and catch up with the outside world. Andy Murray has made it to the US Open final, Lewis Hamilton has won a thrilling Grand Prix only to be demoted to third and England have snuck past the mighty Andorra by a couple of goals. Oh, and Stephen Harper has called a snap election for October, which should serve as the B-Movie to the one in the US in November (although as this is Canada, perhaps that ought to be an 'Eh-Movie'). I haven't missed much, then.

Still no cargo, so had to hand wash smalls and socks. It's a rock 'n' roll lifestyle up here.

Went down to the river with Dominick and Celine this afternoon, and enjoyed a fine couple of hours fishing, skimming stones and eating berries which Celine assured me weren't poisonous. If my blog entries end abruptly in the next day or so, I will know that she was wrong. The landscape by the river is truly beautiful, a fact that one forgets once the snow has come.

No fish were harmed during the writing of this post.

Nothing happened today

Saturday 6^th September

Nothing happened today. Nada. Not a sausage. Probably as a result of the aforementioned party. Not feeling so wise now.

I feel old

Friday 5^th September

Recruiting has now begun I've been told, so who knows, I may yet have company in the house of learning that is my classroom. Still no cargo though, and consequently the pants and socks situation is reaching crisis point. Forced to make an emergency shopping trip to the Northern store for essential supplies; wonder if Manchester City's new owners would be able to afford to shop up here? Now let's see, do we buy Robinho or this loaf of bread...?

Went to a party at Stephanie's house this evening and got to meet most of the new staff at Innalik. I am now officially old. I need to take care not to over use the phrase "Well, in my day..." Maybe I will now be viewed as the wise old man who lives on the hill, and everyone will now make pilgrimage to my door in order to hear my sage words of wisdom. Trouble is, I don't live on a hill...

Students? Ah, I thought we’d forgotten something!

Thursday 4^th September

My first trip into school revealed the fact that no recruiting has actually been done for my course yet, so I face the term as a player playing to an empty stage, much like the third Mummy film after its first week of release. I had the misfortune to see that film this summer and let me tell you, when the Yetis appeared, I think I momentarily lost the will to live. However, I survived, although whether Brendan Fraser's career will do the same is debatable, when one couples the Mummy with Journey to the Centre of the Earth...now don't get me started on that one!

But I digest...

Still no cargo by the way, so I'm surviving with what I had in my suitcase. Down to my last two pairs of socks and underpants now...

And so it begins...

Wednesday 3^rd September

Well, with all the decision making ability of Brett Favre I'm back in the North again, and after three years I thought it was about time I recorded my thoughts on paper, or the virtual paper of this blog at least. The regularity of updates will depend very much on the reliability of the internet which, at the moment, seems to be at its lowest in the time I've been here. I think rather than Tamaani, the service needs to be re-christened 'Shatner net' as downloading...even the...smallest file...is time consuming...and disjointed, much in the way that every word that comes out of dear Bill Shatner's mouth seems like...its...very...own...sentence.

So, it is with great anticipation that I await the arrival of both my cargo and my students as I cannot really function up here without either, although at this stage I would hesitate to place any bet on which might appear first. Maybe my next post will bring more news!