Drains and radiators

We all do it. You've probably done it at least once today already; much to my shame, I know I have. Gordon Brown (texture like sun) did it earlier this week and it might end up costing him the UK election. No, I'm not referring to talking in a Scottish accent. I am instead talking about the noble art of back-biting, gossip or just plain old bitching. Talking about other people behind their backs, the kind of talk that usually takes the form of derogatory slander, must be one of the most universally popular pastimes known to man.

I read an article today on just this topic, an article inspired by Gordon Brown's pre-election gaffe of calling a Labour Party supporter a bigot once he thought he was out of range of the microphone. In it, the writer espoused a number of theories as to why we indulge in such behaviour, my favourite being the one in which our lives are viewed as dramatic productions. We play out the roles given to us and we have a centre stage where we assume that we are being observed and a backstage area which we think is hidden from public view. When engaged in formal social interaction we have to remain 'in character' for the benefit of the audience (everybody else), but Mr Brown's 'bigot' remark or your slagging off of your boss to your colleague at the water cooler are examples of backstage personas.

Every workplace is, to a greater or lesser extent, afflicted with this type of behaviour, and in a small school like the one here in Kangiqsujuaq it's hard to avoid it and even harder to avoid being sucked in by it. Jacob and I were discussing this issue along with the article I read, and we came up with the idea that perhaps schools should have two staffrooms: a bitching staffroom and a non-bitching staffroom. This idea also has an added benefit, in that staff might be so self-conscious about entering the room with the sign above the door marked 'bitching' that they would have to enter the non-bitching one instead, thus diminishing the problem with the minimum of effort.

Even in such a multi-staffroomed school though, back-biting would not disappear; human nature dictates otherwise. I remember a prize-giving speech at my old school in the UK in which the guest speaker declared that most people in life fit into one of two categories: they are either drains or radiators. Radiators bring light and joy into a room whilst drains suck the life out of everybody in it. That speech has stuck with me over the years and I think the speaker was spot on; think of everyone you work with, and I bet you could draw up a list of drains and radiators pretty quickly.

The speaker concluded his speech by urging all present to go forth and be life's radiators rather than life's drains, and it's advice I've always tried to follow. As I alluded to earlier though, sometimes it's hard to stay on such a righteous path, and I'm very aware that I've been all too easily led astray of late, so much so that I now avoid our staffroom unless I really have to go there. We only have one, you see...

But there I go, straying off that road again. I told you the path of righteousness was a difficult route to follow.

Hello Goodbye

So, America finally has its first Irish President in the shape of Barack O'Bama....sorry, what's that? Oh, apparently that's not right, but whatever the heritage of the new Commander-in-Chief, today was certainly a momentous day in history. Obama was suitably statesman-like, Aretha Franklin put a whole new spin on God Save The Queen and George Bush just looked plain bewildered by the whole affair; the whole notion of people actually cheering in his presence must have been a most novel experience.

Apparently it's traditional for the outgoing President to leave a note tucked inside the desk in the Oval Office for the new incumbent. I have it on good authority that the note left by Bush was written in crayon and consisted of the following short message:

'Tag - you're it! And no tag-backs.'

God bless America.

Crisis? What Crisis?

As America prepares to embrace the New Hope that is Barack Obama, Canada is staring into a political abyss, although after today's events on Parliament Hill it could yet prove to be no more than a Phantom Menace.

As referenced in this blog a couple of months ago, Canada elected a minority Conservative government at the recent general election, with none of the party leaders seeming able to ignite the blue touch paper of public interest or support. With little likelihood of one single party assuming outright control in the near future, the three opposition parties have come up with an interesting solution: unite and conquer.

The Liberals and the NDP have announced a coalition, and with the backing of the Bloc Quebecois, their intent was to topple the government with a vote of no confidence this coming Monday. I say their intent was to topple the government, because Prime Minister Harper has come up with his own interesting solution to the problem: shut down Parliament.

He met with Governor General Michaelle Jean today, and after two hours of talks the GG agreed to prorogue, or suspend, parliament until late January, a step unprecedented in Canadian history, or for that matter the history of most democratic nations that you could care to mention. It's basically the political equivalent of stopping the game and declaring "it's my ball and I'm going home!"

But you know what? Harper's plan just might succeed, and here's why. Firstly, if the coalition won power, Stephane Dion would take over as Prime Minister, a situation that very few Canadians would care for. Dion has already stated that he will be stepping down as Liberal leader in May, and quite frankly he has all the personality of a wet fish. A wet fish that has just taken a bath. A wet fish that has just taken a bath and then stepped out in the rain. A wet fish that has just taken a bath, stepped out in the rain and then gone for a swim. A wet fish that has....you get the picture.

Secondly, other than in Quebec, Canada is scared of the Bloc Quebecois. For my non-Canadian readers, the main goal of the Bloc Quebecois is to see the French-speaking province of Quebec gain independence from Canada; the proposed coalition would be impossible without the support of the Bloc, and the possibility of a separatist party getting anywhere close to the corridors of power seems to give most Canadians outside of Quebec the willies. Now, I say that if they want to go, then let them go and be done with it, but many Canadians would see this as a dagger blow to the nation's heart. Consequently, any coalition that involves the Bloc seems doomed to failure, and when you throw Dion into the mix, I can't see the coalition making it intact into the New Year.

So, where does all this leave us? The politicians now have an extra-long holiday, when they come back parliament will still be deadlocked, and once the snow clears we'll most probably have another election, the third in three years. But hey, by that time my citizenship might have come through and I'll finally be able to vote; come on Mike, make it right!

A week is a long time...

In the words of Gary Glitter - probably not the best role model for a teacher, I know - 'Hello, Hello, I'm Back Again!' I've been very neglectful of the blog this past week, and I promise to do better in future!

Well, what's been happening in the past week? We had Halloween and the prerequisite party last weekend, I invited friends over and actually cooked for them this weekend - I'll just give you a few moments to take that in - and in between times there was an historic, era-defining election that you may have heard about, the result of which installed a vibrant, 47 year old into power with the largest victory at the polls in nigh on a decade..

So, with that election in mind, I'd like to congratulate Mr John Key on becoming the new prime minister of New Zealand, and I wish him every success in guiding his country through the tough times ahead.

We are currently in the grips of a 'severe wind warning' here (fnarr, fnarr!), but with no snow at the moment there's no prospect of a blizzard, which is just as well considering we have the next two days off. Monday is a pedagogical day, or 'Ped Day' for short - our equivalent of a training day - so whilst it's not really a holiday we have no students in, and Tuesday is the holiday to mark the anniversary of the James Bay Agreement, an auspicious date in the history of Northern Canada.

Consequently, I should have plenty of time for new postings this week, assuming that there are no lawsuits filed following the digestion of the pizzas I made for my guests on Saturday, so tune in again soon to catch up on the wacky shenanigans that go on up here in Arctic Fun Land!

Much ado about nothing

In case you didn't know, we had an election here in Canada yesterday - if you only get your news from CNN, you wouldn't know - the result of which left the nation in almost exactly the same position as it was before the vote. Prime Minister Stephen Harper continues to head a minority government, albeit with a slightly reduced minority than before (if that makes sense), and the general feeling here is that the entire exercise was a waste of time and money, especially given the current financial climate. And our friend, Mark Canada, didn't make it. Guess he'll have to go back to Mr Universe.

The turnout was just 59%, the lowest figure since Confederation in 1867, and that goes to illustrate the general level of apathy that seemed to exist around the whole process. Although I've lived here for more than three years now, I'm still an 'outsider' in many respects, and the political process is one example; I can't vote until I become a Canadian citizen, although I have now been here long enough to make an application.

In my role as a political outsider, it's my observation that this voter apathy must be caused, in part, by the distinct lack of charisma shown by the leaders of the main parties here. To be a successful leader you must be able to inspire the masses; inspire them to get up and vote for you in the first place and then to inspire them to back your policies once you've been elected. It would seem that the 'inspiration factor' is not prevalent here at the moment, a view that is supported by the wistful remembrances that so many Canadians have for the likes of Trudeau and Chretien.

With all this in mind, I would like to suggest that there is in a fact a perfect candidate for Prime Minister out there, and the party that could secure his services would surely win by a landslide. He would make sure that the nation's institutions were run to code, and he'd get it all done in the space of an hour (including commercial breaks). Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you the next Prime Minister of Canada:

Mike Holmes will Make It Right!

I want to be elected

Now here's a funny story...

I've been trying recently, with varying degrees of success, to get my students interested in the forthcoming general election (as I write, polling day is just one week away). To this end, I have some information about the candidates for Nunavik posted on the wall in my classroom, and last night two of my colleagues, Dominick (who we've met on the blog before) and Dave (who we haven't - hello, Dave!), were reading it on the way out. Much to our amusement, the Liberal candidate goes by the the extraordinarily appropriate name of Mark Canada, although I think he must have changed his name by deed poll (he was previously Frank Canada).

Anyway, the discussion moved on as we made our way down the stairs and towards the front door, and Dom and Dave's conversation (in French) ended with Dave chanting 'Harper, Harper, Harper!' (Stephen Harper being the current, Conservative, Prime Minister) as we reached the door and bumped into...Mark Canada!

If Alanis Morissette had been there she would have undoubtedly exclaimed 'well, isn't that ironic?' which would have led the rest of us to respond 'no, Alanis, it's just a coincidence.' But I digest...

Seriously though, what are the chances, eh? (did you notice my lapse into Canadian then?). Dave quickly recanted his support for Prime Minister Harper, and we learned that Mr Canada (gosh, he now sounds like a contestant in Mr Universe; 'ladies and gentleman, please welcome our next contestant, Mr Canada!') was on a whistle stop tour of Nunavik in a bid to drum up some last minute electoral support. I duly booked some of his time in order that he come and speak to my students, and this morning his whistle stopped in my classroom, where he outlined his party's plans for the North.

Such a visit is quite a big deal in an area of the country where politicians normally fear to tread, and as one of my students commented, you might not agree with his politics but credit to him for making the trip. Whether he'll gain any extra votes as a result of his enterprise is up for debate, but one thing is for sure; Dave will always look twice before he uses the stairs in future!