Working from home

So, the first post of 2010 and the blog goes into its third calendar year of operation. Quite what the new year will bring is anyone's guess, but for the time being I'm enjoying an extra week at home. I have a further appointment with the dentist on Friday and I am not now due to fly back North until Monday, all of which is something akin to a late Christmas present (except the dentist part). I recently found out that my colleagues in Kangiqsujuaq got snowed/fogged in before Christmas, and some of them didn't get home until the 23rd; as a result the start of school has been put back a few days, so I won't be the only one returning to work a little later than planned.

Much of this week has seen me sorting out a variety of financial paperwork, the type of stuff that makes you wish you were an ostrich with a suitably deep bucket of sand nearby, but it has to be done and it's much easier for me to do it whilst I'm still in the south. Melanie went back to work on Monday so my house husbandry is also extending to washing, cleaning and cooking, the latter of which is currently inspired by Julie & Julia, a film which I was reticent to watch when Melanie rented it on Monday but that I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed. Speaking of movies, my other favourite of the holiday has been Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds, which must be as cinematically removed from Julie & Julia as Amy Winehouse is from sobriety; if Christoph Waltz doesn't get an Oscar nomination for his role as Colonel Hans Landa then there is simply no justice in this world.

For now though it's back to the finances, and an impending walk in the snow to the bank. Tim Hortons is inconveniently at the other end of town, but fortunately I feel in the mood for taking the scenic route today...

Almost home

I'm writing this courtesy of the wi-fi service at the Via Rail station in Montreal, which means that I'm almost, repeat almost, home. After a hugely frustrating 48 hours I'm not counting any chickens though.

I managed to get to Kuujjuaq yesterday where, as I mentioned before, I was on standby for Montreal. Happily First Air got me on board the Montreal flight, but after two hours waiting on the tarmac, those of us who had been on standby were asked to raise their hands. Oh dear...this didn't look good.

And indeed it wasn't. The flight was going to stop in Iqaluit first - check your atlas to see how little sense this route makes - where we would take on more passengers, and there was a chance that the 'standbyers' would be asked to leave the plane and be forced to remain in Iqaluit. When I asked what was meant by a 'chance' I couldn't be given a precise answer, which was a little worrying given that planes have a finite number of seats so, given that the next flight out of Iqaluit was not until Monday, I decided to get off.

After a night in the Co-op hotel in Kuujjuaq and a further six hours waiting at the airport I finally got my flight, and here I am, waiting for my train. I shall be so glad to get home and get clean - I've travelled light on this trip so no changes of clothes - but I shall also be sparing a thought for my teaching friends and colleagues back up in Kangiqsujuaq, who were unable to leave today because of the weather. I have every sympathy and I know how they feel, and I can only hope that they will make it back in time for Christmas.

As for me, the holiday now begins, and for once I think I've earned it. Tims here I come...

Weekend musings

Well, the snow from earlier in the week has all but gone now thanks to a couple of rainy days, but at least I have had a taste of what the landscape will look like here once winter is here to stay. What qualifies as our 'autumn' is still exceedingly cold though; it's a balmy 6° today, but in the week ahead it's forecast to stay around the 1° or 2° mark.

My much talked about expedition into the foothills will have to wait for another day as I woke up with a bad back this morning - better than waking up with a horse's head I guess - and I've spent most of the morning hobbling around the house bent almost double, although this has enabled me to get a close up view of all the spots on the floor that I missed when I went on my cleaning blitz last weekend.

Housebound as I am I've had a go at baking my own version of Tim Hortons' raisin tea biscuits (scones to those of you in the UK), and I must say that they've actually come out pretty well. Combine these with the Timbits that I still have in the freezer and my jar of Tim Hortons ground coffee and I have quite a home away from home going on up here; all I need are the cops sitting at the next table and it'll be just like being there.

Always fresh...

The genie-us of the BBC

It's been a very wet summer in these parts thus far, and as I look out of my window it's raining once again. Hopefully some of our rain will eventually make it across the Atlantic to save England's cricket team, who are kicking off the Ashes series in traditional fashion by struggling alarmingly against the Australians. I've been invited over by my Aussie friends, Dave and Tarni, tonight, so that rain better get there quickly if I'm going to be able to enjoy a mockery-free evening.

Speaking of mockery, I read an interesting story on the BBC website today, but I wasn't originally going to comment on it for fear of appearing offensive or mocking. Apparently, a family in Saudi Arabia is trying to take a genie to court, accusing it of theft and harassment, amongst other things. Now, I was going to avoid remarking that, by the sounds of it, this family might have issues with different kinds of spirits in bottles, as this might be seen as being disrespectful to the Islamic religion. However, it would seem that the BBC have no such issues; this will probably only mean something to our British readership, but take a look at this screenshot of the BBC home page, and focus your eyes on the 'Weird and Wonderful' section in the bottom right:

(click on image to enlarge)

Sheer 'genie-us', eh? (see what I did there?). Oh, and have a read of the 'fact of the day' piece too; I knew Tim Hortons was good for you!

Dave & Gid's Excellent Adventure

It's been a busy week on Planet Gideon, with road trips, concerts, and summer fêtes all competing for attention since I last posted. Sunday is certainly proving to be a day a rest, and I can now fill you in on said events.

My road trip with Dave took in 2000km, three U.S. states and one shining example of roadside gigantism (hurrah!). We travelled east through New York state, south through Vermont, back into New York, then further south into Pennsylvania before finally heading back north up the I81 through New York state again, thus completing a full circle, or ovoid, of Stateside shenanigans.

During our trip we visited Burlington, Vermont, which is the home of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. The factory tour allowed us to act like complete tourists - which I suppose we were - and whilst we were in the area we also took in the arctophile's delight that is the Vermont Teddy Bear Factory (rock 'n' roll, eh?).

Whilst in downtown Burlington we also had a brush with U.S. law enforcement. On returning to the car we found an envelope marked 'Burlington Police Department' under the wiper blade, and immediately thought that our Canadian number plates had invoked the wrath of the local constabulary. However, the contents of said envelope revealed that we had in fact been commended on leaving our vehicle in a secure state with nothing to attract any would-be criminals. The fact that the back of the car was crammed with cases, sleeping bags and maps which screamed 'we are tourists: please rob us!' seemed to have escaped the notice of the officers on duty. Either that, or the Burlington P.D. is the most sarcastic police department in North America.

(click to enlarge)

Happily unrobbed, we were able to continue our trip onwards, finding along the way the house where Dave used to live as a young child in the city of Wilkes-Barre, PA. However, the undoubted highlight of the entire trip was to be found at a fork in the road between the small towns of Red Hook and Rhinebeck, NY, where we encountered - what else would you expect? - a giant fork. Forget Niagara Falls, forget the Grand Canyon, forget Machu Picchu - this is what sightseeing is all about!

Once you have basked in the awesome shadow cast by such a fine example of oversized cutlery it is difficult to move on; the mind needs time to readjust itself back to the constraints of normality. The remainder of our trip was consequently spent in a state of higher-plane contemplation (as well as the states of New York, Vermont and Pennsylvania) and only now has my inner being managed to content itself once again with the relative mundaneness of everyday life. After such an experience, it is difficult to plan where one goes next, but plan one must.

Tim Hortons anyone?

Camping it up

Today was Camp Day at Tim Hortons.

For those of you who are reading this anywhere other than in the UK, that statement will have seemed perfectly regular and normal. However, I would wager that our British readership is now having a quiet titter to itself or is possibly rolling around on the floor, depending on disposition and available floorspace.

Let me explain.

Camp Day is actually a day when Tim Hortons donates all its takings from every coffee sold that day to a fund whose aim is to send needy kids to summer camp. It's a very worthy cause, and last year over $9 million was raised; you can read more about it by clicking here.

However, in Britain, the word 'camp' can have an entirely different connotation. Granted, its primary meaning is related to tents, but the word is also widely used to describe someone who behaves in a very exaggerated, theatrical, gay manner. So you can imagine my reaction when, some three or four years ago, I first became aware of Tim Hortons' Camp Day. I was expecting all their staff to be acting in the manner of Frankie Howerd or Larry Grayson, and exclaiming 'I'm free!' when they were available to serve. I was all prepared for a day of hysterical tomfoolery, only to be brought back down to earth when I learnt what was really going on.

You see, here in Canada, this alternative meaning of the word camp doesn't seem to exist, so much so that there is also an organization called Camp Kids. I remember when we first visited Canada, some six years ago, seeing a line of children in bright yellow T-shirts emblazoned with the Camp Kids logo being led down the main street in Kingston; Melanie and I struggled to keep our composure as we tried to spot which of the children was mincing the best, and the people around us are probably still wondering to this day just what on earth we found so funny.

Anyway, they say little things please little minds, and my little mind always enjoys this time of year at Tim Hortons. Oh, and as coincidence (not irony, Alanis) would have it, I'm going camping with my old school tomorrow - tent camping, not the other type - and assuming we don't get eaten by bears, I shall give you the full lowdown on the trip at the weekend.

Now, what do I need to take with me? It's only for one night, but I simply haven't got a thing to wear...

The final curtain (part two)

The remainder of my journey from Montreal to Kingston was 'interesting'. Firstly, the flight goes via Toronto which, if you know your Canadian geography, is somewhat convoluted in itself. Getting to Toronto was fine, but we were then held up for an hour or so by a rather spectacular thunderstorm which deposited so much hail on the ground that it looked like we were back in the frozen North once again.

Eventually the flight left though, and I have to say that I have never been on a smaller plane than this one. There were just 18 seats, nine on each side, and there wasn't even a door to the cockpit. The pilots merely drew a curtain across during take-off and landing, and let us watch them at work during the rest of the flight. Quite what they were doing during take-off and landing that we weren't allowed to see I just don't know, but as long as it didn't involve reading the first and last chapters of Flying For Dummies, then I don't really care.

After a flight that I will simply describe as 'turbulent,' it was a relief to make it back to solid ground, and I now have a little insight as to why the Pope always kisses the ground after his plane lands. Mind you, he does have a direct line to the man upstairs if his flight ever gets into trouble, so I don't really know why he's always so relieved. Maybe God intended to take his pilot's exam on the seventh day, but was just too tired after the hard week he'd had.

But I digest.

The rest of my week has revolved mainly around sleep, paperwork and Tim Horton's, although today I did spend the day at the school in Kingston where I used to teach, Maplecrest-Sempar, which enabled me to catch up with a few old friends as well as develop a lovely head cold as a result of a day's exposure to the grass and pollen which simply doesn't exist in the North. At least I think it's just a cold...

Little has changed on the job front since I last wrote, but I am hopeful of a resolution in the next couple of weeks, so watch this space for details. In the meantime I am now settling in to my new role as man of leisure, although I have to say that part of me does miss my life in a Northern town. I guess I ought to rename the blog now that I'm back home, but I suppose Canada is still pretty northern wherever you are within its borders, so I'll keep it as it is for the time being. I intend to keep the blog going over the summer, although how often I post I can't say yet; depends what shenanigans I get up to, I suppose. Keep checking in though, otherwise I shall get lonely.

Until next time...

The final curtain (part one)

As I write I’m sitting outside Tim Horton’s at Montreal’s Trudeau Airport, it's 10.30 on Friday night and I'm waiting for the flight that will form the final leg of my journey home tomorrow morning. As predicted, it was a hectic last week in Inukjuak – a contributing factor towards the lack of posts in that time – and it was a week that maybe ended one chapter but perhaps began another.

It was with mixed emotions that I hosted our graduation ceremony on Thursday. It was the fifth time that I’ve acted as host, thus making me something like the Bob Hope or the Billy Crystal of the North, and whilst a lot of effort goes into organising the event, it is always gratifying when, eventually, the day runs relatively smoothly. Proceedings were delayed this time around as we had to wake up one of the graduates who’d fallen asleep after a large lunch, but other than that the afternoon ran pretty well.

On a personal level, the most gratifying moment of the day came when I was approached by two women (you both know who you are!) at the graduation meal in the evening. Both parties clearly knew who I was, but there they had the advantage as I couldn’t place them at all. However, all was then revealed as they both explained that before coming North to work, they had discovered the blog during their research and, much to my delight, had still decided to come! It was quite a novel experience to meet one’s ‘public,’ and it just goes to prove that, despite whatever isolation one may feel, we really do inhabit a small world.

Now I'm back, I have once again been reminded of some of the many differences between the North and the South. Cellphones are prevalent once more. I was just able to buy a beer at a bar. All the people that I am now surrounded by all seem to be in such a hurry. And I have even seen a number of people wearing masks, no doubt trying to protect themselves from the swine flu despite the fact that they are more likely to die in the twisted wreckage of the plane that they’ve just flown on or are about to catch. I have a compelling urge to run up to them and cough in their face whilst performing the Mexican Hat Dance. Come on, people!

Anyway, porcine-induced death permitting, I shall be home within the next twelve hours and free to contemplate both what has been and what is to come. A chef friend of mine once said that ‘in the kitchen, there are always possibilities’; at the moment, life is my kitchen.

Coffee wars

It is true to say that Canadians have a very close relationship with both hockey and coffee, and whilst I can't yet confess any real affinity with the former, my love for coffee and, more specifically, Tim Hortons, runs deep. Consequently, any java-related story is always of great interest on both a national and personal level, and one such story hitting the headlines at the moment concerns McDonald's perceived declaration of war on our Tim's.

The House of Ronald is giving away free coffee at the moment, at least in the mornings, and this has been seen by many as a direct attack on Tim Hortons, traditionally the everyday-Canadian's (and my) coffee-stop of choice. Now, one would expect it to be the patriotic duty of any red and white blooded Canuck to defend the honour of Tim's at times such as these - to the death if necessary - so you can imagine my horror as I watched Global TV's take on the issue yesterday morning.

Global TV is based in Edmonton which, last time I checked, was most certainly in Canada, and they ran a report on the whole 'coffee war' issue on yesterday's breakfast news show. Come the end of said report we were handed back to the studio where the two anchors, Andrea Engel and Shaye Ganam, were to be seen with a McDonald's coffee cup. Ms Engel then proceeded to explain that this was the type of cup that you would get if you took your business through the Golden Arches, an action that she wouldn't blame you for doing, which led Mr Ganam to comment that that would be a good move, considering the horrendous line-ups at the 'other place.'

Now, whilst I fully appreciate that there are greater woes about which to worry than coffee, I was amazed, nay shocked, to hear such statements from a supposedly unbiased pair of news anchors (I shall resist the obvious rhyming slang connotations for the moment). Not only was this a flagrant endorsement of one company over another on what should be an impartial news programme, but this pair of anchors were actively dissing a Canadian institution live on air.

Global TV, you should be ashamed. Be assured, you have not heard the last of this; the real war starts now.

And we're back...

After ten most relaxing days of vacation, I am now firmly ensconced back in the North and the blog is finally back online. I hadn't planned such a hiatus from my musings, but with irony of which Ms. Morissette could only dream, I was more busy on holiday than I usually am at work, so blogging ended up being put very much on the back burner.

It was great to see Melanie again, and she still has another week in Canada before she has to go back to the UK for the summer term at her school. She is going to use that week to draw up a list of chores for me, so that when I return home in May I will be suitably occupied until her school year ends in July, at which time she will be coming back out to Canada. Just how many of these chores can be left to the last minute I don't know yet, but I'm sure that I'll be able to work that out soon enough.

So, what were the highlights of my vacation, I hear you ask? Well, I managed to get the haircut I was looking forward to, rather a good one I thought as well, but both Dave and Celine have commented that I must have gone to the same barber as Simon Cowell. Now, I happen to like Simon Cowell so I will take this as a huge compliment, but I don't know if that's what was intended! Alongside the long-awaited haircut I was also able to enjoy my long-awaited return to Tim Horton's - three visits on the first day back alone - and I managed to win three coffees and a donut by rolling up the rim, which is a very good return, given my track record of (not) winning things. I did win a Jimmy Hill football trivia book once on a Radio Bristol phone-in quiz, but that's about it. I wonder how many donuts you could fit on Jimmy Hill's chin...

But I digest.

It was also mighty fine to catch up with friends over the course of the last week, and the normal southern staples of fast internet - yes, Cogeco did finally reconnect us - and being able to drive felt like refreshing novelties. It was also very pleasant to be able to see trees and grass again; I had forgotten what the colour green looked like. One sad happening during the week was the broadcast of the final ever episode of Corner Gas. I admire Brent Butt's decision to end the show whilst it was still at the height of its popularity, but I wish he hadn't made it! Maybe a trip to Dog River will be in order during the summer...

Not long after watching Corner Gas on Monday I had to leave in order to start my journey north, and on Tuesday afternoon I found myself back in Inukjuak, which is still cold and white, but not quite as cold as when I left. My flight was uneventful, although I was treated to a full body search as I passed through security in Montreal. The officer even searched my hair - I kid you not - but unsurprisingly found nothing; maybe he just wanted to admire the fine craftsmanship of my haircut at close quarters. I wonder if Simon Cowell has to go through all this when he flies? Bet he doesn't.

Hanging on the telephone

A lot can change in the space of a couple of days, and since my last post I've decided to return home for our Easter break, meaning I'll get to see Melanie for the first time since January. She flew out from the UK earlier today, and for the first time since January we are now in both the same time zone and the same continent. January was also the last time I was able to visit either a Tim Horton's or a barber, and trips to both establishments are now high on my to do list. As luck would have it (or was it a cunning Baldrick plan?), there is a Tim's right next to where I get my hair cut, so one stone is going to account for two birds as soon as I get back.

Another thing to look forward to upon my return is access to a speedy internet service once again, and to that end I have had to arrange for all our cable services to be reconnected ahead of Melanie's arrival today. I phoned Cogeco, our cable provider, on Monday to arrange said reconnection, only to be told that I may as well do this on Wednesday when Melanie was actually going to be at the apartment as otherwise we'd be paying unnecessarily for two extra days.

Pleased with the fact that the cable company was trying to help me save money I duly called back today, but I was immediately suspicious of the agent's tone of voice and was eventually put on hold for what became an interminably lengthy period of time. At this point in proceedings a succession of upbeat chart hits is normally fed down the line so as to keep you, the valued customer, in a suitably cheerful frame of mind as the time ticks by, but today I was subjected to a journey through the back catalogue of Alanis Morissette, hardly the dictionary definition of 'feel good pop.' At this point I should have realised what was coming next. The agent finally returned to tell me that our services could not actually be reconnected until Thursday, and when I asked if he knew what time this might be, he had no idea other than the usual 'some time between eight and four.'

I'm fully aware that my post about Tsutomu Yamaguchi, the man who survived not one, but two nuclear detonations, has now been sandwiched by rants about sewage trucks and cable companies, but it's my blog and I'll rant if I want to, and I'd wager that you would rant too if it happened to you. I feel all the better for venting my frustrations, and I thank you, dear reader, for allowing me to do so.

'Til next time then.......will sometime between eight and four be good for you?

The boy is back in town

After a weekend of travelling I'm now reinstalled in the North, and it's just how I left it: cold and white. I'm already missing my Tim's, and I'm only gradually accepting the fact that it's back to the Mr Noodles diet until May. It's been good to see everyone again though, and there is the possibility that I may be receiving two new students this week, which will dramatically up my workload; I'm really going to have to develop a coping strategy, and fast!

Well, I now have a hard evening's TV to get through and my noodles are ready, so I must be going.

TTFN!

Home!

Well, I finally made it! Our flight left at around 11am, we went straight through to Montreal (only three hours!), and then I managed to catch a lift with Stephanie and her dad, whose route home to Trenton took them down the 401 and right past our house. Result! No Snowmageddon, and no need for Bruce Willis.

It's great to see Melanie again after four months, and she's certainly made the apartment look very Christmassy; our balcony has more lights than all the other condos combined! It's also wonderful to have proper internet again - we have the cheapest service here, but it's greased lightning compared to 'Shatner-net'!

Just in case I was missing the North though, it's currently -18°C here, and it's forecast to be -27° with windchill tomorrow. Oh, and there's a snowfall warning in effect too. It won't stop me getting my Tim's though.

Bliss!