Six hours

Remember that sword I was mentioning a couple of posts ago? Well it dropped today. Painfully. My dentist's appointment was moved up two days as there had been a number of cancellations due to the weather, and I'm now wishing I'd been one of those who's stayed at home. Six hours I was there. Six bloody hours! Now, I know that going to the dentist doesn't really rank that highly in the pantheon of life-challenging events, but show me someone who enjoys such visits and I'll show you someone who's either a masochist or someone who actually works at the surgery.

Now, in the past, I've been used to seeing the dentist and having his or her (it's so difficult to tell these days) undivided attention for the duration of my visit. However, the practice I've attended this week piles in the patients, then the dentist flits between them like one of those old variety acts you used to see where they kept dozens of plates spinning on long, wobbly poles. Often they would then purposely smash the plates at the end of the act just to show you that they had been using real, breakable china rather than plastic, which always seemed to defeat the purpose of the entire act; it would be like a doctor performing complex heart surgery then shooting the patient at the end.

Where was I?

Ah yes...the dentist would prod around, sigh, make some notes, sigh again (never a good sign), numb the area of the mouth he was about to invade, then leave. He'd then work on another patient or two before returning to complete whatever it was he had to do to me. Over the course of the day this process was repeated a number of times, so you can see what I mean about spinning plates.

By the time it was all over, I felt like I'd had the orthodontic version of Mike Holmes and his team at work in my mouth, and I'd had to pay for the privilege. At least I now have a couple of days rest before travelling North at the weekend, and hopefully I will have regained all the feeling in my lips and cheeks again by then. I feel like a cross between Mick Jagger and Alvin and the Chipmunks at the moment.

Six hours!

Crisis? What Crisis?

As America prepares to embrace the New Hope that is Barack Obama, Canada is staring into a political abyss, although after today's events on Parliament Hill it could yet prove to be no more than a Phantom Menace.

As referenced in this blog a couple of months ago, Canada elected a minority Conservative government at the recent general election, with none of the party leaders seeming able to ignite the blue touch paper of public interest or support. With little likelihood of one single party assuming outright control in the near future, the three opposition parties have come up with an interesting solution: unite and conquer.

The Liberals and the NDP have announced a coalition, and with the backing of the Bloc Quebecois, their intent was to topple the government with a vote of no confidence this coming Monday. I say their intent was to topple the government, because Prime Minister Harper has come up with his own interesting solution to the problem: shut down Parliament.

He met with Governor General Michaelle Jean today, and after two hours of talks the GG agreed to prorogue, or suspend, parliament until late January, a step unprecedented in Canadian history, or for that matter the history of most democratic nations that you could care to mention. It's basically the political equivalent of stopping the game and declaring "it's my ball and I'm going home!"

But you know what? Harper's plan just might succeed, and here's why. Firstly, if the coalition won power, Stephane Dion would take over as Prime Minister, a situation that very few Canadians would care for. Dion has already stated that he will be stepping down as Liberal leader in May, and quite frankly he has all the personality of a wet fish. A wet fish that has just taken a bath. A wet fish that has just taken a bath and then stepped out in the rain. A wet fish that has just taken a bath, stepped out in the rain and then gone for a swim. A wet fish that has....you get the picture.

Secondly, other than in Quebec, Canada is scared of the Bloc Quebecois. For my non-Canadian readers, the main goal of the Bloc Quebecois is to see the French-speaking province of Quebec gain independence from Canada; the proposed coalition would be impossible without the support of the Bloc, and the possibility of a separatist party getting anywhere close to the corridors of power seems to give most Canadians outside of Quebec the willies. Now, I say that if they want to go, then let them go and be done with it, but many Canadians would see this as a dagger blow to the nation's heart. Consequently, any coalition that involves the Bloc seems doomed to failure, and when you throw Dion into the mix, I can't see the coalition making it intact into the New Year.

So, where does all this leave us? The politicians now have an extra-long holiday, when they come back parliament will still be deadlocked, and once the snow clears we'll most probably have another election, the third in three years. But hey, by that time my citizenship might have come through and I'll finally be able to vote; come on Mike, make it right!

Much ado about nothing

In case you didn't know, we had an election here in Canada yesterday - if you only get your news from CNN, you wouldn't know - the result of which left the nation in almost exactly the same position as it was before the vote. Prime Minister Stephen Harper continues to head a minority government, albeit with a slightly reduced minority than before (if that makes sense), and the general feeling here is that the entire exercise was a waste of time and money, especially given the current financial climate. And our friend, Mark Canada, didn't make it. Guess he'll have to go back to Mr Universe.

The turnout was just 59%, the lowest figure since Confederation in 1867, and that goes to illustrate the general level of apathy that seemed to exist around the whole process. Although I've lived here for more than three years now, I'm still an 'outsider' in many respects, and the political process is one example; I can't vote until I become a Canadian citizen, although I have now been here long enough to make an application.

In my role as a political outsider, it's my observation that this voter apathy must be caused, in part, by the distinct lack of charisma shown by the leaders of the main parties here. To be a successful leader you must be able to inspire the masses; inspire them to get up and vote for you in the first place and then to inspire them to back your policies once you've been elected. It would seem that the 'inspiration factor' is not prevalent here at the moment, a view that is supported by the wistful remembrances that so many Canadians have for the likes of Trudeau and Chretien.

With all this in mind, I would like to suggest that there is in a fact a perfect candidate for Prime Minister out there, and the party that could secure his services would surely win by a landslide. He would make sure that the nation's institutions were run to code, and he'd get it all done in the space of an hour (including commercial breaks). Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you the next Prime Minister of Canada:

Mike Holmes will Make It Right!