Dave & Gid's Excellent Adventure

It's been a busy week on Planet Gideon, with road trips, concerts, and summer fêtes all competing for attention since I last posted. Sunday is certainly proving to be a day a rest, and I can now fill you in on said events.

My road trip with Dave took in 2000km, three U.S. states and one shining example of roadside gigantism (hurrah!). We travelled east through New York state, south through Vermont, back into New York, then further south into Pennsylvania before finally heading back north up the I81 through New York state again, thus completing a full circle, or ovoid, of Stateside shenanigans.

During our trip we visited Burlington, Vermont, which is the home of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. The factory tour allowed us to act like complete tourists - which I suppose we were - and whilst we were in the area we also took in the arctophile's delight that is the Vermont Teddy Bear Factory (rock 'n' roll, eh?).

Whilst in downtown Burlington we also had a brush with U.S. law enforcement. On returning to the car we found an envelope marked 'Burlington Police Department' under the wiper blade, and immediately thought that our Canadian number plates had invoked the wrath of the local constabulary. However, the contents of said envelope revealed that we had in fact been commended on leaving our vehicle in a secure state with nothing to attract any would-be criminals. The fact that the back of the car was crammed with cases, sleeping bags and maps which screamed 'we are tourists: please rob us!' seemed to have escaped the notice of the officers on duty. Either that, or the Burlington P.D. is the most sarcastic police department in North America.

(click to enlarge)

Happily unrobbed, we were able to continue our trip onwards, finding along the way the house where Dave used to live as a young child in the city of Wilkes-Barre, PA. However, the undoubted highlight of the entire trip was to be found at a fork in the road between the small towns of Red Hook and Rhinebeck, NY, where we encountered - what else would you expect? - a giant fork. Forget Niagara Falls, forget the Grand Canyon, forget Machu Picchu - this is what sightseeing is all about!

Once you have basked in the awesome shadow cast by such a fine example of oversized cutlery it is difficult to move on; the mind needs time to readjust itself back to the constraints of normality. The remainder of our trip was consequently spent in a state of higher-plane contemplation (as well as the states of New York, Vermont and Pennsylvania) and only now has my inner being managed to content itself once again with the relative mundaneness of everyday life. After such an experience, it is difficult to plan where one goes next, but plan one must.

Tim Hortons anyone?

Road trip!

My friend Dave came down from Ottawa last night, and this morning we are embarking on an unplanned, unscripted road trip south of the border. I had wanted to try to take in as many giant balls of twine or other such examples of roadside gigantism that prevail in the States, but Dave isn't so keen, so where we will wind up is anyone's guess. I shall be travelling sans laptop, so there won't be any posts for the rest of the week, but rest assured I'll let you know where our re-creation of Harold & Kumar takes us just as soon as I can.

And we're back...

After ten most relaxing days of vacation, I am now firmly ensconced back in the North and the blog is finally back online. I hadn't planned such a hiatus from my musings, but with irony of which Ms. Morissette could only dream, I was more busy on holiday than I usually am at work, so blogging ended up being put very much on the back burner.

It was great to see Melanie again, and she still has another week in Canada before she has to go back to the UK for the summer term at her school. She is going to use that week to draw up a list of chores for me, so that when I return home in May I will be suitably occupied until her school year ends in July, at which time she will be coming back out to Canada. Just how many of these chores can be left to the last minute I don't know yet, but I'm sure that I'll be able to work that out soon enough.

So, what were the highlights of my vacation, I hear you ask? Well, I managed to get the haircut I was looking forward to, rather a good one I thought as well, but both Dave and Celine have commented that I must have gone to the same barber as Simon Cowell. Now, I happen to like Simon Cowell so I will take this as a huge compliment, but I don't know if that's what was intended! Alongside the long-awaited haircut I was also able to enjoy my long-awaited return to Tim Horton's - three visits on the first day back alone - and I managed to win three coffees and a donut by rolling up the rim, which is a very good return, given my track record of (not) winning things. I did win a Jimmy Hill football trivia book once on a Radio Bristol phone-in quiz, but that's about it. I wonder how many donuts you could fit on Jimmy Hill's chin...

But I digest.

It was also mighty fine to catch up with friends over the course of the last week, and the normal southern staples of fast internet - yes, Cogeco did finally reconnect us - and being able to drive felt like refreshing novelties. It was also very pleasant to be able to see trees and grass again; I had forgotten what the colour green looked like. One sad happening during the week was the broadcast of the final ever episode of Corner Gas. I admire Brent Butt's decision to end the show whilst it was still at the height of its popularity, but I wish he hadn't made it! Maybe a trip to Dog River will be in order during the summer...

Not long after watching Corner Gas on Monday I had to leave in order to start my journey north, and on Tuesday afternoon I found myself back in Inukjuak, which is still cold and white, but not quite as cold as when I left. My flight was uneventful, although I was treated to a full body search as I passed through security in Montreal. The officer even searched my hair - I kid you not - but unsurprisingly found nothing; maybe he just wanted to admire the fine craftsmanship of my haircut at close quarters. I wonder if Simon Cowell has to go through all this when he flies? Bet he doesn't.

Christmas comes but twice a year

There are few greater pleasures in life than the late, unexpected Christmas present, and I have been fortunate enough to be on the receiving end twice in the past week. Firstly, Vikki gave me a collection of gifts that rather accurately summed up all that I hold dear and believe to be true: a trivia-based game, a toilet roll with jokes on, a scarf and a Family Guy DVD (OK, the scarf may have been a bit of a red herring, although it was rather stylish).

And then, to cap it all, at the weekend I was presented with my very own...wait for it...Sham Wow and Mighty Putty!!!!! (Thanks, Dave!).

Consequently my cup now runneth over, and the good thing is that I am now in a position both to mop up the mess and mend the handle should the cup topple over as well as runneth.

Life is sweet.

What the phoque?

Dominick and Dave, Quebecois both, came into my classroom at break this morning, and upon staring out of the window they both started swearing profusely. At least to my ears they did. Naturally concerned as to the source of such profanity, I too looked out of said window and was directed to a group of black dots on the horizon.

"F**k!" said Dave.

"F**k!" said Dominick.

"I'm sorry...?" said I.

It was only then that it was explained to me that the French word for seal is phoque which, comically, sounds almost identical to the English word f**k. I now feel very disgruntled that, by not teaching us about seals, all my French teachers at school denied my classmates and I the obvious amusement that we could have derived from this situation.

It also explains why Seal can't walk down any street in Quebec without people tittering behind his back.

I want to be elected

Now here's a funny story...

I've been trying recently, with varying degrees of success, to get my students interested in the forthcoming general election (as I write, polling day is just one week away). To this end, I have some information about the candidates for Nunavik posted on the wall in my classroom, and last night two of my colleagues, Dominick (who we've met on the blog before) and Dave (who we haven't - hello, Dave!), were reading it on the way out. Much to our amusement, the Liberal candidate goes by the the extraordinarily appropriate name of Mark Canada, although I think he must have changed his name by deed poll (he was previously Frank Canada).

Anyway, the discussion moved on as we made our way down the stairs and towards the front door, and Dom and Dave's conversation (in French) ended with Dave chanting 'Harper, Harper, Harper!' (Stephen Harper being the current, Conservative, Prime Minister) as we reached the door and bumped into...Mark Canada!

If Alanis Morissette had been there she would have undoubtedly exclaimed 'well, isn't that ironic?' which would have led the rest of us to respond 'no, Alanis, it's just a coincidence.' But I digest...

Seriously though, what are the chances, eh? (did you notice my lapse into Canadian then?). Dave quickly recanted his support for Prime Minister Harper, and we learned that Mr Canada (gosh, he now sounds like a contestant in Mr Universe; 'ladies and gentleman, please welcome our next contestant, Mr Canada!') was on a whistle stop tour of Nunavik in a bid to drum up some last minute electoral support. I duly booked some of his time in order that he come and speak to my students, and this morning his whistle stopped in my classroom, where he outlined his party's plans for the North.

Such a visit is quite a big deal in an area of the country where politicians normally fear to tread, and as one of my students commented, you might not agree with his politics but credit to him for making the trip. Whether he'll gain any extra votes as a result of his enterprise is up for debate, but one thing is for sure; Dave will always look twice before he uses the stairs in future!