Inuit Idol

Two days to go.

Despite the prolonged build up to my departure, and the fact that I'm writing this surrounded by boxes in various states of 'packed-ness', I still don't think it's really sunk in that in two days I'll be on a plane out of here for the very last time. At this stage of proceedings there are so many loose ends to tie up and last minute jobs to be done that there isn't really any time to think much further ahead than today.

James' party on Saturday was fun, and I've been invited next door for supper on Tuesday, so my adventure in Kangiqsujuaq will be ending just as it began. James and Sophie fed me on my very first day here back in August, and I shall miss their kindness and friendship when I leave. I'm also eating out tonight, as Roland is putting on a supper at the residence for the departing students, and it was earlier today that I gave my students their TOEFL results, the results that dictate whether or not they get to go to college.

I always feel like Simon Cowell at this stage of the year, the whole process reminding me of the conclusion to Hollywood Week on American Idol when the contestants are told whether they've made it onto the show or not. The students sit in our classroom and then, one by one, I call them into the room next door (which is fortunately vacant a lot of the time and was again today) to give them their results. Like Simon, I'm not one to sugar coat the truth if it's bad, and whilst I don't gain any personal pleasure out of doing it this way I don't think I'd being doing the students any favours if I did it any differently. If they get praise from Simon then they deserve it, and it's the same in my class.

As it was, my students did pretty well this year so there wasn't much disappointment floating around, but it's only now that their journey really begins. When they head south to college they'll no longer be the big fishes in a small pool, and like the contestants on Idol they're going to have to work hard to stay the course. Whether they manage to stick it out remains to be seen, but at least their fate is in their own hands, with no phone votes and no Ryan Seacrest to deal with.

Dim the lights...

Never meet your idols

Very cold today, but the town looked so beautiful under clear blue skies, and the way the sun met the mountain tops in the late afternoon ma....

Apologies. The pretentiousness police just pulled me over and let me off with a warning, on the condition that I step away from the cod poetry and talk about something else. How about American Idol? Is that OK, officer? It is? Good.

Idol is now down to the last 11, and this week's celebrity mentor was none other than...Miley Cyrus. A couple of the younger contestants seemed to show genuine admiration and clearly respected the advice that she gave, but it was clear that most of the group were merely tolerating her presence and were smiling and nodding politely as Hannah Montana tried to mould their fledgling careers. Crystal Showersocks has got to be the winner this season, but following his meeting with Miss Cyrus, Casey James might now be my second favourite.

As he walked on to meet her, Casey reached out, shook hands and declared, "Pleased to meet you. I'm a big fan...of your dad."

You should have seen her face.

Boyled over

Hot on the heels of Adam Lambert's shock defeat in the final of American Idol comes the news that Susan Boyle, she of a multi-million YouTube hits, has also failed to win the talent show that made her name. She was beaten in the final of Britain's Got Talent by a street dance group called Diversity, who now take away £100,000 (about $175,000) and the chance to perform at the Royal Variety Show in December.

I doubt whether this will be the end for Ms Boyle though, especially when one considers that the winners of shows like these often aren't the ones to go on and and have a meaningful career. Indeed, I saw Simon Cowell interviewed on Craig Ferguson's late night chat show this week, where he stated that he would be very interested in securing the movie rights to Susan Boyle's rise to fame, which would undoubtedly prove to be a very nice money spinner for both parties; in fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Simon's already begun negotiations.

Which all leads to the question: who will play the part of Susan Boyle in such a movie, assuming that she doesn't play herself? As I've said before, I think that there's actually more than a passing resemblance between Simon and Susan, but I doubt whether Mr Cowell would be interested in taking the part as he wouldn't be able to wear any of his trademark skin-tight T-shirts.

So, who could it be? How about one of the following:

The Susan Boyle Story - what price on it being titled 'I Dreamed A Dream?' - coming soon to a cinema near you.

I can't wait.

Adam Lambert for Queen?

American Idol reached its conclusion last night and to the surprise of many, including myself, the show was won by Kris Allen, a Jack Johnson-esque strummer with as much charisma as the cardboard box that would be collecting the coins thrown his way were he to be busking on the underground, which is where he really ought to be. No offence, as Simon would say, to young Mr Allen - he seems likeable enough and his looks will have undoubtedly garnered a great number of votes from the female members of the audience (and some males too, no doubt) - but I really can't see him being heard of in six months time, let alone a year, as he simply brings absolutely nothing fresh or vibrant to the table.

Now, the contestant he defeated, Adam Lambert, is a totally different kettle of fish. Yes he's over the top, but at least he's entertaining and boy, can he sing!!!! Last night on the show he sung with Kiss, and when both he and Kris later sang with Queen (well, what's left of Queen), a thought struck me. Brian May and Roger Taylor seem to want to go on playing under the Queen moniker, and after employing former Free and Bad Company frontman Paul Rodgers for a few years, they are now in need of a new vocalist following Rodgers' decision to step down a few weeks ago.

So, here's a theory. What price Adam Lambert fronting up Queen when they next hit the road? He most certainly has the musical chops, he has the image and, it would seem, he is even of the correct sexual persuasion. Had he been crowned the winner of American Idol then such a move would be impossible due to the contractual constraints imposed on the victor, but now he's somewhat more free to explore different avenues.

Let's watch this one closely, and if it happens, remember that you heard it here first!

I thought this was a family show?

The hardest working man in show business™, Ryan Seacrest, seems to be making a bid to become 'the most un-PC man in show business' as well. A little while ago I wrote about Ryan's attempt to high five a blind contestant on American Idol - incidentally that contestant, Scott MacIntyre, has since made it through to the final stages of the show - and on tonight's live programme, Ryan took things to the next level.

Tatiana, who has been particularly emotional and theatrical throughout her time on the show, had just sung for the last time and had sunk to her knees in order to implore the judges to put her through to the next round. With judgement summarily passed and Tatiana still on her knees, Ryan takes the stage to interview the contestant and cue the commercials. He approaches Tatiania, and as she starts to rise from her genuflected pose, he pronounces:

'You don't have to get up.'

Unfortunately for Ryan, Tatiana didn't make it through. Probably for the best, you know.

Canadian Idle

No, I haven't been stricken by tuberculosis; the lack of posts over the last few days is simply due to the fact that nothing's been happening here. It was Groundhog Day at the beginning of the month, and we seem to have been stuck in a rut ever since (but without Sonny & Cher on the radio every morning). The weather has been the same every day: clear blue skies, -25°C, no wind. We are in desperate need of a blizzard to shake things up.

The end of this week promises a little more interest however. Barack Obama visits Ottawa on Thursday, and on Friday we have a school fishing trip which, whilst not my normal cup of tea (my normal cup of tea would freeze out on the tundra anyway), should provide a change from the norm. Strips of plastic shopping bag make for good bait apparently (don't ask me why), and I shall be testing out that theory; watch this space for the full report.

In the meantime, I shall have to satisfy myself by watching American Idol which, so far, promises to be the poorest season ever. Tonight's show has been like watching a two hour car crash; even Paula has been critical! The commercial for the upcoming Wolverine movie was good though. Dan, if you're reading, it opens on May 1st and I should be back around May 10th - get the tickets in!

Blind ambition

Following on from yesterday's informational piece, we now go from the sublime to the ridiculous. The new season of American Idol started this week, and on Tuesday night's show the final hopeful to be featured was a young blind man. He sang really well and earned a ticket to Hollywood from the judges, bringing the night's show to a most touching, heartfelt finale.

Well, almost.

If you watch the show regularly you will know that the host, Ryan Seacrest, waits outside the judges' room to either console or congratulate the contestant after their audition. Ryan was duly waiting for our blind chanteur to emerge, and when he saw the golden ticket he silently raised his hand in anticipation of a high five.

Think about this situation for a moment...

...Ryan obviously hadn't.