Not a happy camper

Well, in the manner of Bear Gryllls or Ray Mears I have emerged from the wilderness unscathed, save for my usual collection of bites which, whilst not as large as last year's, is still sizeable. One bite has swelled to such an extent that it looks as though I have a tumour growing behind my right ear, a fact of which I was not aware until I had spent a good couple of hours socialising at the school's barbecue which took place after we returned from camp. The looks of sympathy mixed with terror that I was getting now make sense.

The trip itself ran smoothly, but despite the fact that we were graced with good weather, I can't say that I really enjoyed myself. I am simply not a happy camper. I view camping in the same way as the albino in The DaVinci code viewed self-flagellation; it is a necessary act of penance that needs to be observed every so often in order that one's sins may be absolved. It is my hope that one uncomfortable night under canvas helps remind me of the relative luxuries I have at home and, as a consequence, makes me appreciate them just that little bit more.

I know I lead a relatively adventurous lifestyle when I'm in the North, but that is all done in the knowledge that there is a reasonably comfortable, heated apartment to come back to at the end of the day. I have helped to build an igloo but I would view spending the night in one on a voluntary basis much in the same way that I view camping. I think houses are a good invention, and one that we should all embrace.

Having said all this though, the students on the trip all seemed to enjoy themselves, and that is the most important thing. If I am around and about this time next year I will undoubtedly offer my services once again, if only to absolve the sins that have have been committed over the previous twelve months.

I'd just better be a good boy this year.

I can't feel it in my fingers, I can't feel it in my toes

It was our school fishing trip on Friday, and I think I'm only just about regaining the feeling in my extremities. It was a mild day by Northern standards, but after a trip out of town of about an hour that began on the back of a skidoo and ended in a qamutik, it felt mighty, mighty cold once we were out on the land. I say land, but in reality the ice on which we were standing separated us not from terra firma but from the depths of the Hudson Bay, and what a lot of ice there was.

There were about thirty people in our group, but when you took time out to look around, you couldn't help but feel isolated and somehow apart from the rest of humanity, if only for a moment. I guess that is a large part of the attraction for those hardy souls that enjoy ice fishing, that idea of convening with nature and temporarily taking oneself out of the drudgery of everyday life, but before I start setting off pretentiousness alarms everywhere, let me just say that I am most certainly not one of those hardy souls.

I was cold. Bloody cold.

And I didn't think that standing still dangling a line into an icy hole would really do anything to change that fact. I did have a go for a few minutes and yes, I did try using my strips of plastic bag as bait, but to no avail. The only bite I, or anyone else for that matter, got all day was of the frost variety. As they say in Hollywood, not one fish was harmed during the making of this motion picture. Well, they don't actually say that exactly, but maybe they would if they made a film about ice fishing.

But I digest.

We had more success in dredging for mussels though, and even brought a few starfish and urchins to the surface as an added bonus. Needless to say, these were all consumed, raw, on site, and whilst I didn't partake on this occasion, I did supplement my lunch of (semi-frozen) egg sandwiches with a modest lump of caribou meat. Raw of course.

Whilst I was glad to have made the trip, I have to be honest and say that I don't think it's an experience I will be in a rush to repeat. Convening with nature is all well and good, but next time I'd prefer it if nature came to me, maybe for afternoon tea. We could have biscuits, discuss the state of the economy, maybe watch a movie even. And we could do it in the warm.