One flu over the cuckoo's nest

I know the blog's been a bit neglected recently, but not purposely so. As I've mentioned before, my internet connection has been decidedly unreliable of late, but at the moment it appears to be on a good footing so I'll take advantage whilst we're all still on the planet to read the damn thing.

I say that because there seems to be a real sense of end of days around at the moment. The economy has tanked, 2012 is looming large - can't wait to see the film by the way; not just one national monument destroyed, but ALL OF THEM! - Iran and North Korea are on the verge of going nuclear, there are earthquakes almost every day and H1N1 is going to kill us all before any of the other stuff matters anyway.

Vaccinations are now rolling out around Canada - we have ours slated for the beginning of next week - but at the moment, I don't think I'm going to get one. Regular readers will know all about my cynicism regarding the Swine Flu, and nothing I've seen or read has done anything to change my mind. Yes, there have been tragic fatalities but they have been exceptionally rare, and there are many more tragic fatalities as a result of other diseases, including the 'regular' flu, that simply go unreported. I still believe that the 24 hour news media has played a huge part in whipping up the current wave of hysteria regarding the virus, and that the true epidemic is in fact an epidemic of fear.

And to cap it all, that self-same media is now able to fill its airtime with reports on the ridiculously massive queues of people waiting to get their shots. In Kingston, a number of children were absent from Melanie's school today as their parents had taken them to get vaccinated, with one family joining the line at 7.30 in the morning and not getting to the front until 3.30 in the afternoon; maybe the health authority should have sold fast passes à la Disney, although I doubt you'd have got many punters going round again for a second ride. As for me, well I'm not even going round for a first ride. At this moment in time I'm not prepared to be injected with an under-tested, rush-released vaccine, and I shall take my chances with my own immune system, thank you very much. Granted, we should be concerned by the whole situation, but not afraid; after all, the only thing we really have to fear is fear itself.

And perhaps spiders.

Not so rotten swines

As is often the case in situations such as these, a little extra time has thrown new light on the whole pregnant-staff-must-leave scenario. It seems that the Quebec government is in fact only strongly recommending that pregnant teachers take themselves out of the workplace, and it is up to the individual to make their own decision. As a result we are not now going to (immediately) lose all the staff in question at our school, but we are still going to lose our principal. The school board already has a number of potential replacements lined up though, so it does not look like yours truly will have to take over in the hot seat.

Shame, because once the winter sets in a hot seat would be a really nice thing to have.

Rotten swines

As of yesterday, the provincial government in Quebec has thrown our school, and many others in the North, into turmoil. In light of the extinction event that is H1N1, a snap decision has been made to remove all pregnant staff from the workplace in Northern communities, with immediate effect. We have three pregnant staff at our school, coincidentally all female, all of whom were due to go on their respective maternity leaves after Christmas, but following yesterday's decree from Quebec City, all of them are now persona non grata within the school building. When you consider that one of the 'swine flu three' is our principal, this plunges the school into even greater chaos, especially because, due to the school's small size, we have no vice-principal to pick up the reins.

At the time of writing it even looks as though the staff in question are to be forcefully repatriated to the south on Monday, although this isn't yet certain. Our principal and her husband rent out their home in the south whilst they're working here, so goodness knows what they're going to do if they have to return home at such short notice. Mangers and inns, anyone?

This whole situation seems to have been brought about by events in Manitoba earlier this week, when a number of aboriginal reserves were sent flu-readiness medical packs that contained a number of body bags. There was outrage in these communities, with claims that the government were not treating the flu properly there and were expecting numerous fatalities as a result, and this outrage was exacerbated by accusations of cultural insensitivity, as preparing for death in such a way goes against the beliefs of the First Nations in question.

Despite governmental apologies and explanations that these medical packs contain body bags as standard, whether they are delivered to Toronto, Ottawa or Wasagamack, the controversy remains, and Quebec's proclamation on Friday seemed to come as a knee-jerk reaction to all the fuss. The (mis) treatment of aboriginal communities in Canada is a hugely sensitive issue, both politically and morally, but the irony here is that the forcible removal of teachers who are willing to stay is not only going to impact on the lives of the teachers themselves but also on the lives of the populations of the aboriginal communities in which they work.

We shall no doubt learn more about the whole situation on Monday so until then, watch this space; who knows, in a few days maybe Melanie won't be the only Principal in the family!

A sight for saw eyes

Whilst nowhere near 100% I'm still here, so you can call off the search parties. I stayed at home yesterday, but a few hours of daytime TV convinced me of the need to return to work today. In actual fact, the cable service went down for a few hours during the day, maybe due to the high winds that gave us a weather warning for a brief period; winds like that in the winter are going to give us some spectacular blizzard days!

As I said, I still don't feel too well, but being a typical guy I haven't yet paid a visit to the nursing station. Whether I have H1N1 I'm not sure - it could be R2D2 or C3P0 for all I know - but I guess I ought to get checked out if I don't feel better soon. We have a ped day on Friday and this, coupled with the Labour Day holiday on Monday, at least gives me a long weekend in which to recover; a story I heard today also made me realise that perhaps I should show a little more resolution.

The council are laying new water pipes in the street where our friends, the Beatties, live, and as they were leaving the house yesterday morning one of the workmen was attempting to cut a pipe with a circular saw. I say 'attempting,' because the saw proceeded to bounce off the pipe and cut into the poor man's face and neck, narrowly missing his jugular but leaving a huge gash from the nose down. A bag of frozen peas quickly appeared to act as a cold compress - I think this was actually the reason for their invention - and once the ambulance arrived the Beatties made their various ways to work. When the first of the Beatties got home at the end of the day there were still workmen attending to the pipes, and guess what? One of them was sporting an impressive display of stitches from his nose down to his neck.

They breed them tough in Canada.

Chillin' and illin'

I've made my feelings about swine flu quite clear in previous posts, and although I still firmly believe that the panic and paranoia surrounding the outbreak is mostly due to a mixture of hype and ignorance, I can't deny the fact that I've been quite ill for the past three days and feeling quite sorry for myself. Whether I have swine flu, regular flu or just a very heavy cold is a matter for debate, but I spent most of the weekend curled up on the sofa flicking through the TV channels in a vain hope of finding something to watch other than infomercials.

Weekend television was never a highlight on the schedules in the UK (other than the sport) and it's just the same in Canada. Many stations don't even bother broadcasting actual shows for large parts of the day, opting instead to expose us to the virtues of the Magic Bullet, Slap Chop and Sham Wow (notice how all these products have two word titles?).

At least I have the option of TV I guess, now that my boxes have arrived, and if I continue to feel as bad then I might be sampling the delights of weekday daytime TV tomorrow. I struggled through today at school, but I don't know if I'll be able to manage tomorrow. It might have to be Regis & Kelly and Martha Stewart instead, with a trip to the nursing station sandwiched somewhere in between. Assuming I survive, I'll let you know what happens; if there aren't any new posts by Friday, send out the search parties...

Have a heart!

I read today that Michaelle Jean, Canada's Governor General, ate a raw seal heart when she visited a festival in Rankin Inlet, an Inuit community in Nunavut. Apparently, the EU voted to ban Canadian seal products recently, and an EU spokesman described the Governor General's actions as "too bizarre to acknowledge."

What a completely ignorant statement to make.

Mention seal hunting to most Europeans, and they will picture fluffy baby seals being clubbed over the head by unfeeling, profit seeking fishermen. Ask them what they think, and most will comment that such practices are inhumane and should be banned. Now, I must say that a few years ago I too would have been one of those Europeans, but living and working with the Inuit has changed my view on this issue.

The ability to hunt seal and other animals is what sustained the Inuit as a race for century upon century. Their meat and skins were absolutely vital for survival, and although all the trappings of the south are now readily available, the ability to hunt is still prized and cultivated amongst the people of the North. The notion of hunting is in the genes, and to use words such as 'bizarre' when talking about this subject is not just ignorant; it is insulting.

Whilst the encroachment of southern ways has brought many advantages to the North, the Inuit people have also been dealt many abuses, both psychologically and socially, as a result. Changes that took centuries to take hold in the south have been made in just a couple of generations in the North, so the maintenance of what is a strong cultural heritage should be encouraged. The eating of 'country food', as the Inuit refer to it, forms part of that heritage, and I count myself as fortunate to have first-hand experience, just as Michaelle Jean now has.

The motivation and methods of those that hunt seal for profit could, and perhaps should, be questioned. However, the hunting of seal in communities such as Rankin Inlet is of a completely different nature, and I would like to see that EU spokesman make a visit to the North so that in future his comments could be more informed. I doubt that will happen though; pigs will fly sooner.

Oh, but wait a minute - haven't we already had swine flu?

Did you see what I did there? 'Flu' sounds just like 'flew', and I was talking about pigs flying.....

Never mind.

The final curtain (part one)

As I write I’m sitting outside Tim Horton’s at Montreal’s Trudeau Airport, it's 10.30 on Friday night and I'm waiting for the flight that will form the final leg of my journey home tomorrow morning. As predicted, it was a hectic last week in Inukjuak – a contributing factor towards the lack of posts in that time – and it was a week that maybe ended one chapter but perhaps began another.

It was with mixed emotions that I hosted our graduation ceremony on Thursday. It was the fifth time that I’ve acted as host, thus making me something like the Bob Hope or the Billy Crystal of the North, and whilst a lot of effort goes into organising the event, it is always gratifying when, eventually, the day runs relatively smoothly. Proceedings were delayed this time around as we had to wake up one of the graduates who’d fallen asleep after a large lunch, but other than that the afternoon ran pretty well.

On a personal level, the most gratifying moment of the day came when I was approached by two women (you both know who you are!) at the graduation meal in the evening. Both parties clearly knew who I was, but there they had the advantage as I couldn’t place them at all. However, all was then revealed as they both explained that before coming North to work, they had discovered the blog during their research and, much to my delight, had still decided to come! It was quite a novel experience to meet one’s ‘public,’ and it just goes to prove that, despite whatever isolation one may feel, we really do inhabit a small world.

Now I'm back, I have once again been reminded of some of the many differences between the North and the South. Cellphones are prevalent once more. I was just able to buy a beer at a bar. All the people that I am now surrounded by all seem to be in such a hurry. And I have even seen a number of people wearing masks, no doubt trying to protect themselves from the swine flu despite the fact that they are more likely to die in the twisted wreckage of the plane that they’ve just flown on or are about to catch. I have a compelling urge to run up to them and cough in their face whilst performing the Mexican Hat Dance. Come on, people!

Anyway, porcine-induced death permitting, I shall be home within the next twelve hours and free to contemplate both what has been and what is to come. A chef friend of mine once said that ‘in the kitchen, there are always possibilities’; at the moment, life is my kitchen.

Grinding to a halt

It's been a frustrating (but swine flu free) week.

Our internet connection has been doing its best impression of the stock market over the last ten days or so -it's been down more than it's been up - but at least the connection we have here at school at seems to be working today. One problem has been the fact that there has been a big update for Windows issued recently (around 300MB), and whilst that is water of a duck's back for those of you in the South, for us here it can clog the system faster than a Big Mac can clog your arteries if everybody has 'automatic updates' switched to on.

I think I will be returning my modem to Tamaani shortly as I don't want to pay for the whole of May when I'm only here for another week, so postings may continue to be intermittent, but I shall do my best to occupy my students so that I can maximise my time online during school hours (hope my employers aren't reading this!).

Speaking of leaving (which we sort of were in the last paragraph), I will be on my flight home this time next week, so the next seven days involve packing boxes, tying up loose ends and preparing for our graduation ceremony, which is next Thursday. At the time of writing, I have no idea whether I'll be returning here next year; it looks like my course might be moved to Kangirsujuaq, an even more Northern town, but nothing has been confirmed yet. When I have news I'll pass it on to you, but don't hold your breath!

If you do hold your breath though, at least you won't catch swine flu. You'll die of hypoxia, but the swine flu won't get you.

CNN would be proud.

And this little piggy went...

...aaaaargh! We're all going to die!

Well, at least he would have had he been watching CNN this weekend. The 24-hour rolling news networks simply love a crisis, and they've been simply revelling in the swine flu outbreak that's come to public notice over the last few days; they've been like a pig in s**t, you might say.

That people have died in Mexico as a result of this outbreak is undoubtedly tragic. However, almost as many people died from regular flu in America last week, and the fact that more people were killed (three) in one shooting incident this weekend than died from swine flu (zero) seems immaterial; the rolling news networks are never ones to let the facts get in the way of a good story.

Now, should I find myself in an I Am Legend scenario once the rest of the world has been wiped out by this flu, then I shall be the first to apologise, but until that time comes, I'm not going to lose any sleep over the whole deal.

But I won't be going to Mexico either.